The Beast

I remember that day well. The sunlight peeking through the changing autumn leaves had wrapped the old southern home in an amber glow. We were enjoying a quite pensive afternoon. As day turned to night my beautiful counterpart began to feel increasingly more lethargic. With the knowledge of the discomfort one would surely experience having slept on the couch the decision to retire to bed for the night was easily made.
These events were not in any way foreign to either of us. Every night for the past year I had made the pilgrimage to her house. Upon my arrival we would sit together, watch some TV, and chat about our day. The evening would inevitably end up in her bedroom. She would reluctantly sit up from the couch, pulling me up with her. She would rest her head on my shoulder for a moment before standing up and walking toward her room. I would sit on the couch for just a moment before following. She had no problem changing into her pajamas in front of him, but I still felt I should extend the offer of privacy. When finally I rounded the corner I would catch a glimpse of her pulling up those blue boy shorts with the lace trim she always slept in. I imagine my being treated to this sight was by design. I would slip off my boots and close the door. In keeping with our tradition, I was then to lay by her side and guide her contently into dreamland before making absolutely sure that the house was safely locked down for the night. I would wake up some time later and notice it was one or two o’clock in the morning. Although her mother loved me to death, I still couldn’t just stay over on a whim. So I would quietly start downstairs and out the door, locking it behind me.
On this night things were destined to go a little differently. She stood up and started the climb upstairs toward her room. I had a mission of my own to complete before joining her. Nature had been calling me for some time now and was getting more stubborn about me answering. So I made my way to the bathroom to relieve myself.
As I was just finishing my business I happened to glance over my left shoulder. That’s when I saw it. There, clinging to the wall in all it’s deadly splendor and sickening elegance, was a cockroach. I calmly assessed the situation. This beast threatened the night’s tranquility. I couldn’t allow this monstrosity to continue to draw another breath.
I began to move slowly so as not to alert the bug to my plan. I finished peeing, gather myself, and grabbed at the toilet paper. After all there was no way I could touch this beast with my bare hands. It’s exoskeleton, as I have learned, contains a chemical that makes the bravest of people dive into a frantic frenzy of fright. With its victim thoroughly grossed it can then do the one horrible act that makes the cockroach a feared beast. It would… I shutter to think… crawl on me.
With the silence of an owl stalking a field mouse I carefully positioned myself to land the one critical blow that would render the bug incapacitated. Years of similar encounters had prepared me for this moment and I knew that the first blow was the most important. One misjudged move, one moment’s hesitation and the horrible creature could unleash a world of horrors on its unsuspecting attacker.
I made my swing but the beast was quicker than I expected. It darted below my shot. I remained calm and rapidly retracted my arm. As long as I kept my distance I could still stage a successful attack. The roach, sensing my prowess, ran for cover to regroup. It shot behind the towel rack for cover.
I couldn’t let the beast escape; the peaceful state of the home was hanging in the balance. I kept a weather eye on the rack incase it attempted to give me the slip. Carefully, I began pulling towels from the rack to obtain a better understanding of the terrain. The slippery critter had gained the advantage by seeking an area difficult for me to easily maneuver. If I didn’t keep my wits about me he could effortlessly utilize the deadly element of surprise to defeat me. Oh the horrors that would ensue if the heartless beast defeated me and then had his way with my lady and her mother. I could not let it come to this!
I emptied the towel rack and to my surprise the bug was not to be seen. Quite suddenly I became very anxious. The monster could be anywhere. My first thought was that it had fled under one of the two blue rugs in attempt to stage an assault from my rear. Pulling the closest rug up from the floor showed no sign of the beast. I promptly checked under the cloths hamper directly adjacent from the towel rack. Again my search was in vain. I was becoming more apprehensive. Every passing second became hours to my mind, as I knew the crafty beast could very well gain the upper hand in the tight quarters of this particular bathroom.
I scanned the entire room and even checked just outside the door in the kitchen. Nothing. I searched for a long time before my lady came down to find me. I decided it best not to cause her fright and didn’t mention the ordeal I had just undergone with the cockroach. I would have to keep both eyes open and hope that the beast didn’t show itself while I was away. I silently cursed the crafty creature and swore to return and slay the beast before the error of my assault became the demise of this house’s serenity.
One long week had transpired since that epic day when the monstrous beast had appeared to me. It burned inside my mind the way my defeat had, in theory, given it the run of the house. However for the duration of that week I heard not so much as a peep out of the bug. In the back of my mind I knew that all it would take for total chaos to ensue would be for she or her mom to catch a sight of the beast. With a new week coming around I put the bug totally to the back of my mind. On the Sunday after my first encounter is when the bug made its inevitable reappearance to exact his revenge for my assault on his wellbeing.
We sat unperturbedly on the couch once again seeing our nightly practices through. As luck would have it she resigned to a sleepy mood before actually becoming heavy-eyed. She progressed to the bathroom to do her nightly preparations for bed. I had finally settled my mind back to peace when a shrill cry of surprise met my ears. She bolted back into the living room with a look of complete horror plaguing her face. I knew that she had seen a bug, but somehow I could feel that it was the same monster I had dueled with a week earlier.
As I have mentioned women are a strong and capable sex. She was no less an able bodied warrior. However as I’ve also mentioned insects are women’s one weakness. When she grabbed a near by shoe as her weapon of choice I decided I had better follow her. Upon arrival in the bathroom I noticed that the bug was resting in the same place on the wall that I had first encountered it. She began to swing but the crafty critter escaped under her shot not unlike it had done during our bout the previous week.
I grabbed her arm and pulled out of the bathroom. Her mother was already asleep and by the pure grace of god the shrill shriek from before had not awoken her. I pointed out that the shoe would almost certainly ruin the wall as well as wake the sleeping matriarch to an enraging situation. I turned to face the restroom and cleared my mind for the fight to become.
With timid steps I made my way back into the lavatory. I reached for the toilet paper thus completely resetting the stage of last week’s epic skirmish. This time a definite victor would be decided.
I paused for a brief moment, drew in a last ragged breath, and struck. Like last time the beast darted for his safe haven behind the towel rack. My mind exploded with doubt and fear. The dastardly demon was going to execute the same evil plan that had aloud him to escape my grasp last time. I would not let it happen again!
Before he was good and hidden behind the rack my girlfriend and I had begun to strip the towels away. To my extreme dismay when the towels where cleared there was no sign of the bug. I shot a dismayed glance towards her. She and I both knew that the terror of the monstrous bug would continue. The beast would continually torture us with its gruesome display.
I believed we had failed in allowing our antagonizer to escape into nothingness. As I shot another look at my woman I realized I had misjudged my role in this affair from the very beginning. I had been blind to ever consider myself the cleverest being in this chase. The beast had years of evolutionary survival prowess on me.
When all hope appeared finally lost I was dealt one last card. I happened to catch sight of a shinny brown speck. The beast had been hiding just out of sight in a place I had happened to overlook. The sink was fixed atop a cabinet as in normal bathroom design. Rather it was supported by a hollow porcelain tube where hid the drains and other essential parts. At the base of the tube in the back was a notch where the brute had taken refuge.
I poked at the insect to lure it into the open. It wouldn’t comply with my wishes and ran in the other direction to the underside of the towel rack. I made a split second decision and put myself in the ultimate danger. Utilizing my limberness I threw my arm under the rack in the bug’s path. I was in direct danger of that one dangerous aspect that made this bug a danger. If my gambit failed I risked making naked contact with villainous creature. With my hand under the towel rack I would have nowhere to move and the bug would have free rein of my entire arm and possibly my torso and face. To my utmost surprise and utter bewilderment the beast was startled by my attempts to impede its progression and turned. It bolted in the other direction. A chance to end the oppressive rein of this atrocious creature had flickered back to life. When it came out from under the rack it must have decided that it was tired of running from me.
Finally it was just me and the beast, mono y mono. There was nothing between that vile creature and me but about four feet of bathroom floor rug. There came a frightened sigh from my lady as she realized my situation. The monster was making its way right toward me with no remorse or any sign of changing its course. Time began to slow as I waited for the right moment. I couldn’t afford another ill fated attack.
Finally I saw my opening and swung my arm with all my might to make the kill. It was a direct hit. However having lifted my hand too quickly the monstrous beast continued his tirade toward me, now confused and even more enraged. There was a surprised shriek from behind me as I came in with the second blow. I expected the swine to be dead under my grip this time. But when I lifted my hand and the beast came at me once more my hopes were dashed. This time I had to defeat him. If this shot didn’t kill the beast it would be on me and all would be lost.
I slammed my hand down on it once again and scanned the surrounding area for a way to destroy the beast. My eye landed on the toilet. I pinched my fingers down on the roach with a light crunch and hurled the paper containing the monster at the toilet. There was a giddy moment of silence as we hoped beyond hope that it would faithfully reach the bowl. As the wad of paper grazed the edge of the seat a single tiny leg made a final appearance from the mass of paper before disappearing into the water below.
I leapt forth and quickly flushed the beast away and with it all our fears. We sat there together and watched our nemesis drown, the swirling vortex pulling it into oblivion. She had grasped a hold of me after I fell away from the churning grave of our oppressor. She breathed a few heavy breaths before returning to a normal rhythm. Just before disappearing forever the writhing from beyond the sopping blob of toilet paper ceased as the diseased vermin seemed to benevolently accept it’s fate.
No measure of benevolence could atone for his sins in her eyes but within me it sparked a well earned degree respect. After all not for some time had her loving embrace held me tighter. As she leaned her head on my shoulder, weary with the nights deeds, I felt a warm glow and silently honored my fallen rival.